Vegas Extrav!!

Music is great.

Sister-Friend introduced me to this awesome acapella group "Straight No Chaser." If I had a youtube account, I coulda posted it up but just follow the link and it'll take you to this awesome video!

* I think Derrick's Mom & Anna would appreciate this :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkerzEpY-PM

Happy Easter everyone! Alleluia! Alleluia! Jesus is Risen!

Oh Ken Lee.

Please, indulge yourself and watch this:

alas...

unfortunately, my toshiba is NOT back. it was a temporary relapse. maybe in another two months it'll work again.

anyone know how to fix computers? :) i need help!

back to sporadic blogging.

and we're back!

so my internet on good ol' Toshiba is working! yes! for today at least... we'll see if i'm lucky and it lasts. i sure hope so cuz having internet at home is quite convenient, but also quite distracting - like right now!

can i have a legitimate update now? if i'm so inspired...

it's been 10 weeks since i started teaching and it continues to be a journey of discernment. ah teaching. now that my childhood dream is a reality, i've truly realized the phrase that life is continual process of growing and learning. it doesn't end after you graduate. it's a different kind of educational process but you continue to learn and learn each and every day. i'm learning that teaching - despite its ideal schedule, doesn't end at 3:00 p.m. you take work home in the evenings and on the weekends. you do work to become a better teacher - attend workshops, learn more about the profession, go to conferences, have in-services. i think i was so used to jumping into things and learning how to do them so quickly that i expected that to happen when i started. i mean, i knew it was going to be hard, but i thought i'd catch on pretty quickly. in some areas i have caught on, but in others, it's a daily struggle. so this period of my life continues to be one of questioning, one of uncertainty. that gives me anxiety and i have to remember to trust trust trust. and have patience, patience, patience.

i haven't been able to nail down a solid relationship with my students - i haven't been patient enough or consistent enough. i think i'm too busy trying to learn how to teach that i haven't put enough into being a "relational teacher." maybe that's why i'm falling short in terms of connecting with them. last year, i got that opportunity.

i'm also noticing a pattern that i made my students upset last year and i'm doing yet the same thing this year. in some ways, i can be pretty harsh and hard on them and maybe i'm not always conveying that to them in the most positive of ways. i don't think i'm saying that thought clearly... growing up, i had teachers that were hard on me - who had high expectations, and they made that clear. but i think they did it in a way that didn't belittle me or upset me. i think - because out of my frustrations - i have been upsetting some of my students and not so clear with my expectations. it's something i need to work on.

what else? i think i'd prefer to move down and teach in the primary grades. God bless those middle school teachers because i definitely could not do it. they can be such little punks! ms. rios encouraged me to pray for them individually - i think i really have to do that and be intentional about praying for their needs in order for me to have more patience with them, more understanding.

i think i'm kinda at my wits end because last year, i put myself in survival mode because i was so homesick. and now, even though i'm back home, i'm still in survival mode because i don't know what the hell i'm doing with my job and if it's where i wanna be.

to top it off, being in such a rough transition right now, it makes me miss my friends - wherever they are now - seattle, texas, norCal. plus not living close to two of my closest loved ones (ate and derrick) tends to take a toll on my weeks too. on the other hand, i get the comfort of my mom and dad and i am so grateful for that.

PATIENCE. TRUST. PRAY. i have to keep reminding myself of that.

i still wonder if i'm called to do work with campus ministry and take classes in psychology or spiritual counseling so i can be a retreat minister or youth minister. it didn't seem right when i applied in december. but now, being a teacher does and doesn't seem to fit either.

what do you want me to do Lord? how do you want me to serve you?

when i talked to ms. rios about my struggles, she had a good metaphor. she compared seattle to my Mount Tabor, the mountain where Jesus was transfigured.

Matthew 17: The Transfiguration
1 After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. 2 There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. 3 Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus. 4 Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah." 5 While he was still speaking, a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!" 6 When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified. 7 But Jesus came and touched them. "Get up," he said. "Don't be afraid." 8 When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus. 9 As they were coming down the mountain, Jesus instructed them, "Don't tell anyone what you have seen, until the Son of Man has been raised from the dead."

i always say my best self - the place where i liked myself the most - was when i was in seattle. i felt spiritually grounded, i loved what i was doing, i felt empowered, i was surrounded by amazing individuals and loyal friendships, i was actually confident, i wanted to go out and change the world. but i had to leave that beautiful, sacred place. i was called to share those gifts i developed there elsewhere, but i'm struggling with how to do that. in a way, i was transformed in seattle. and in the Gospel reading, peter and the other two disciples who went with Jesus said they would build a tent for Jesus, Elijah, and Moses so they could stay on top of that mountain. but they couldn't stay. they had to come down from that mountain.

in the same way, i had to come down from that beautiful mountain and take what i have learned with me. i wanna go back - i wanna think it'll be the same if i were to move back to seattle, but i know it won't be and i have to continue growing and learning with the changes around me.

wow, that's an eye-ful to read. i think i've procrastinated enough from lesson planning and studying. let's cross our fingers and hope my internet doesn't die so i can have more updates and so i can keep up with the lives of my friends...

have a peaceful week filled with love.

oh and to end this more pensive blog, here is something more light-hearted and humorous to fill your souls:

This little piggy went to the market...

This little piggy went home...

These little piggies went "wee-wee-wee" all the way home!

wow. how we entertain ourselves...

wicked good weekend.

WICKED was amazing!!! back from it this evening and i was just in awe of the entire performance. the sister and i already wanna go back and watch it again! we laughed, we cried - it's all i hoped it to be and more! what a great way to spend time with my family and my derrick! :)

i also went to the LA religious ed congress which was a good, spiritual experience. very enlightening. and hoping to get back on my path to a deepened spiritual life. get back to mount tabor and live it out in the day to day...

for now, zZzZzZz

you thought he loved his jordans & air force ones...

as many of you know, our beloved dante derrick david is a fan of nike shoes. a "shoehead" if you will. let's just say, he's betrayed his cherished nikes. he's ditched them for these:

as you can see, he's ditched his sexy air force ones for some CROCS. and if i were to quote mr. david himself, "these are really comfortable. they'd be good for walking around..."

mog. he's succumbed.

quick update for the inquiring minds...

by my sister's request, i am updating my blog - since i'm taking advantage of her internet while i can.

what can i say? the first month of 2008 has flown by so quickly! but i'm not gonna lie, it's been a rough month! as previous entries can attest to, my job has been a struggle. it has been since day one and i continue to find strength and encouragement in my co-workers, my family, my boyfriend, my friends, my Jesus. thank you thank you thank you to you lovely people in my life to be present in my journey.

i unfortunately don't have much more else to talk about than work... i need to figure out a disciple and reward system for my 7th graders and way to empower my classes in math, science, and P.E. ... and still figuring out if this is my ministry and where i'm supposed to serve God.

"Open my eyes, my ears, my heart... Help me to see Your face, hear your voice, love like You."

i've been so scared. so anxious. and i know i need to release those things to God. to take care of those things and not to worry about them. let go. let God.

but there have been things that have kept me going:
venting to mom&dad.
talking about the three things i'm grateful for with ate.
praying every night with derrick.
shooting emails between back and forth with the OG homies.
chatting it up with boo (phone or gmail, whateves!).
eating. a lot.
being able to treat out my family & derrick out (finally!) - it's a nice feeling.

i can't believe it's february and we're about to head into the season of Lent. time for renewal and growth. which means one last time to indulge - MARDI GRAS! i hope i have more prayerful moments... continuing to grow in faith and love...

it's been real.

Sister goes back to school... no more daily companion... sigh

i'll miss you sister. Godspeed!

there's nothing like a good cry.

"The phrase 'I've been there' is in the chorus of Christ's theme song.
To the Lonely, Jesus whispers, 'I've been there.'
To the Discouraged, Christ nods his head and sighs, 'I've been there.'"

He's been there. And thank God someone understands...

It's been a tumultuous two weeks of work-work-work. For those of you that didn't read Ate's public service announcement, as of January 7th, 2008, I became a bonafide teacher @ St. Mary School as a Math, Life Science, and P.E. teacher. Hurrah! ehhh...

In the past ten days, I have cried 6-7 times. It's scary when you realize that what you've always dreamed about turns out to be something completely different. I always thought I was meant to be a teacher - to have a higher purpose - to help and motivate students to reach their dreams. Ultimately, that's what a teacher does - helps a child realize what his/her dream is, accompanying them, setting the basic foundation of what's to be explored in life. I always admired my teachers and loved to write on the chalk board or read from the huge teacher's manual (complete with spiral binding). But as each year of life has gone on, I've realized that it's more than holding chalk or carrying a big textbook. It's a huge responsibility. You have the ability and the power to touch someone's life. You can empower or discourage a child with just one word, one glance. What a blessing to do that - to call that your profession.

I think I still want to do that. But this has been the hardest two weeks of my life. All I know is my work. I've been immersed in my work - and not in this healthy way. I'm trying to catch up and learn things and look like I have my shit together. But I don't. And I know I'm still learning, it's only been two weeks, but I want to be the best I can be for those kiddos.

In due time...

Teaching middle school can be a bitch. gaaaah. But that's a population that really needs a strong support system. I'm starting to trail off and I'm not quite sure where I'm getting at....

All in all, it's been rough, I can add details later for interested, inquiring minds to know, and I just need to pray.

I've forgotten how to pray. And I cry because of that too.
I haven't had You along for the journey. I'm sorry.
Help me remember, Lord. You've been there...

continuation of i...

am delirious now.

am dumbfounded by grading while simultaneously amazed that computers can do it all for you.

am amused by her lovers :) hot-damn, i'm lucky!

just corrected approximately 200 Science pages of key terms, outlines, workbooks, and section reviews.

scheduled a chapter 16 test science test for wednesday. yikes! first test as a bonafide teacher!

assigned "kickball" for my 3-8th graders' p.e. classes. oh yeaaa kickball!

...and therefore almost got hit in the face when the kiddos fouled their kicks.

need to figure out a more effective planning system.

just made a new friend named INDIGO!!! :D

am in dire need of some rest and relaxation. but that won't happen til this weekend... or spring break.

would like to go home to Seattle and eat some cupcakes from Cupcake Royale, get crumpets at Queen Mary, walk through Pike Place, grab a burger from Dick's, have hot apple cider with real whipped cream from B&O, play with my babies, consume a heff or two & midori sours, have face-time with Bella, get cheap fried rice and honey walnut prawns with the gang in I-District, have a date @ Tamarind Tree, and grub on some hot wings from hooters.

wow, so really what i want is to go back to Seattle to eat? yuuuuum. :D

.....need to sleep.

i...

have wanted to blog but haven't been able to because my internet is down on my toshiba. :( now i'm on ate's...

am officially employed!!!!! :D

and am therefore officially tired...

am a bridesmaid for CARLA LOUISE! oh haey Boo!

have no idea what I'm doing at work, but figuring it out. day by day...

am in love. ;)

am obsessed with WICKED!

must buy tickets...

am listening to ingrid michaelson's "girl and boys." (thanks kirs!)

will be car-shopping! hurrah!

want to get a Seattle U license plate holder. Go Redhawks!

should call my friends more. i miss you guys.

need to write a better blog.

am too tired...

am gonna go read "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West."

woot.

To my BOO and her BUBS

Sending my heart-felt CONGRATULATIONS

to the newly engaged

CARLA FRANCO & ERIC VANDER POL!

Carla, you'll always be my Boo! and BFF too!

Eric, you're an incredibly lucky guy.

May God bless you both as you embark

on this new journey in your relationship.

I love you with all my heart!

A kind mouth multiplies friends, and gracious lips prompt friendly greetings.

Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidante.

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.

A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance her worth.

A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds;

For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself.

Sirach 6: 5-6, 14-17

ramblings... in twenty-four hours...

trust your gut. go with it. learn to listen. really listen. a fleece lining on you bed can really make you warmer - thanks mom (along with two blankets and a bed sheet, warm sweats, a long sleeve t-shirt & camisole, a hoodie, and warm warm warm socks). it's meant to be a challenge -- when God really wants you to find what you truly love, what you are truly passionate about. don't expect. it's not about you... or, it's not about me. the bible makes you think. duh. we were made for love. and we are worthy of God's love. prayer doesn't work just the night before...it's constant. grateful. very grateful. i miss...people. forgive - otherwise, you become bitter. the widow offered her whole livelihood. what's your whole livelihood? what's my whole livelihood?

Godspeed and God bless.

unconditionally. no fear. no expectations.

They genuinely loved. I had never felt so loved.
And they taught me how to love.
Unconditionally.
With no fear.
With no expectations.

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is,
than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way.

What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you will do with your evenings,
how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know,
what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in love. Stay in love. And it will decide everything.

Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ

emo for 3:04

so thanks to francia, ate and i have been obsessed with the WICKED soundtrack. you know me and musicals - when i get obsessed, i get hooked. so hopefully, i'll find my job soon and once i take the family and my derrick out to celebrate, i'll save money to buy tickets for the fambam to see wonderful "Wicked!" :D song of the moment for the "unrequited lover" aka charlie brown and the emo in me:

Hands touch, eyes meet,
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl...

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl...

Every so often we long to steal
To the land of "What-Might-Have-Been"
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And heaven knows

I'm not that girl...

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl...

"I'm Not That Girl" performed by Elphaba in "Wicked"

This song made me tear up - on multiple occasions! It's poignant and honest. I'm planning to read the novel but from what Francia told us about the show and from the summaries/story plots I've read online, I really feel for Elphaba. This song is Charlie Brown-esque. *sigh* I have an affection for the underdogs. It's hopeful to know that in the end, they find their peace. Their happiness. Their love. :)

Sometimes those cheesy emails yield some wisdom.

No one falls in love by choice;
it is by chance.

No one stays in love by chance;
it is by work.

And no one falls out of love by chance;
it is by choice.

I've always been infatuated by the idea of love. As dearest Rachelle has said, I "fell in love with love" by the 4th grade when I had my first official crush. But I've always been so naive - I don't think I've ever understood it. My idea of love has been so glamorized --- by Hollywood, by novels, by the true-life romances of my friends and family. For me, love has been idealized. Loving a significant other meant constant warm fuzzies, loving a parent meant being held all the time, loving a friend meant sharing secrets each and every moment of the day - regardless of the hour.

But naive me has learned a thing or two about love. Love hurts. I'm not trying to sound melodramtic but freakin love - true, raw love hurts. I'm constantly learning that love involves more than warm fuzzies or physical contact or connections. Love involves a whole other dimension that involves experiencing fear, letting go, having blind faith, trusting the unknown, questioning your securities and insecurities, doing a self-evaluation...

I'm learning that love isn't one or the other. It's both. Beauty and pain.

I can't help it - I'm cheesy but I gained another valuable lesson about love when I was watching American Wedding on TV. Homeboy's dad asked Michelle, "Why is it called 'making love?' Because you have to work at it." No shit... You have to put forth effort in your familial, platonic, and romantic relationships to make love come forth. Since leaving home --- my Mama, Daddy, Ate, and hs galpals, going to college in a new place --- finding my homies, sisters, and brothers, moving to the boonies of Montana --- living with the girls and working with my kiddos, and returning back home --- finally being with my boyfriend, it's been a journey of growing pains and learning the reality of love in its truest form - beautiful yet painful, incredibly overwhelming and confusing, sometimes conditional or sometimes unconditional... But to know love, I have to make love - live it, manifest it, enbrace it, and recognize that I'm constantly in love - immersed and surrounded by it too.

At the root of it, "love is from God and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God...for God is love." 1 John 4: 7-8 Something I need to remind myself often...

"Loves bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things... Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13: 7-8

Love never fails.

I'm feeling pensive.

The past two days have been good bonding days with the fambam. With the Asong sisters reunited, it's a trip watching my mom with her sisters. I've laughed. I've farted. I've been quiet and observant. I've been overstimulated by all the going-ons. We spent yesterday catching up with mom's sister from pinas. Today, sister from wa flew down and it feels good to see them all together - for the first time in years... seeing their bond makes me so grateful for family but most especially for my sister-friend. (don't cry, ate hehe) it's an irreplaceable bond that no other relationship can fill. and when you meet a friend who can meet sister-status, that's pretty impressive. i'm grateful for those girls who have also reached sister-status.

nostalgia - i happen to come across my autobiography essay for my jvc application. i was so optimistic. such an idealist. i felt so firm in my convictions - in the words i wrote. and now, i'm at a loss for words. i'm impressed by how inspired and how inspired i was just a year and a half ago. how things can change... college was such an idealistic time where i felt like i could conquer the world. i felt invincible, i could go and serve people around the world, be a true "missionary" (as tita calls me hah!), maintain and gain old and new relationships with the people i encountered, continue to live in this idealistic bubble that i created in seattle. ah, but how it stings and how it changes when reality hits. growing pains... i feel like i've lost my fuel, my confidence, my passion. it's somewhere in me... but it has yet to be unmasked.

"searching for meaning can help you sustain what you already have." right on, horoscope.

good night and sweet dreams all. :)

This is why you should go to Derrick's Basketball Games...

You get a handy-dandy limited edition "Derrick Head" to cheer him on!


Loyal Fans, we can't get enough!

We're so excited, we have to take a bite outta him!

Check out the next game: this Thursday! or Sunday!

Contact 3D himself for game schedules and directions.

God bless...

"Twelve firefighters are trapped atop a ridge off Santiago Canyon Road in Orange County after flames jumped the road. The blaze roared up the hillside and prompted the crew members to deploy their fire shelters. They were surrounded by burning brush, but they made it out alive. 'We just remained calm, everyone did,' one firefighter said after he was checked out by paramedics. All of the firefighters were treated at the scene and did not want to go to the hospital." (Karen Tapia-Anderson / Los Angeles Times) October 22, 2007

Ventura Cross in the smoke from the fire.

(Submitted to YourScene By jcavola)
latimes.com