in my imaginary world where i can hop from profession to profession, i have imagined being the following:
:: an actor :: goes back to my good ol' days of acting @ SBS, NDA, even SU. i miss putting on the costumes, make-up, imagining i'm someone other than myself and living a life i never would. broadway would be awesome. actually, any theatre would be awesome.
:: a professional dancer :: this is new since i've grown in appreciation for dancing since watching the old school dance crew of RAWedit break the stage during barrio fiestas, actually performing a "hip-hop" routine for part of our senior farewell dance, and the development and popularity of "dancing with the stars" and "america's next best dance crew." oh how i wish i were a dancer!
:: an invitation designer :: i like making invitations and creating cards. i guess thats why i loved making palanca so much in college. it gave me something to be passionate about.
:: an artist :: i used to paint, nothing spectacular, but i liked fusing the colors or copying other pieces i've seen. also, a musical artist. if only i were a singer and if i were consistent with my guitar-playing. one day, i will master it. this probably wouldn't a life-long profession...something to do on the side.
:: an author :: i've thought about being a children's author, writing and illustrating a children's book. last year, court and i talked about creating a children's book about melissa's parents' wild turkey. i forgot her name... gertrude, maybe? how cool would that be?
:: a wedding planner :: i guess this kinda goes in line with being an invitation designer, but so many more details to attend to... haha maybe it's cuz i loved the movie. wow, JLo inspired me in some way haha
:: a disney character :: this would probably be more like a summer job. (or connected to the whole acting deal) how cool would it be to parade around disneyland as a dancing candlestick?! or better yet, be dressed up like mulan?! (since she's the only asian character...)
:: a retreat/youth group minister :: now this is not completely impossible. this is within dream's reach and i almost got there last december. but it didn't feel like my path at the time. maybe i'll go back to school for a Masters in Theological Studies and pursue it after some years of teaching. better yet, i'll teach at a high school and act as a moderator for campus ministry.
for now, i'm content being :: a teacher :: there's a lot of unexplored territory here and i'm eager to learn more.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Thursday, July 03, 2008
picture story time
@ LAX waiting for our departure!
in WA playin' ball with hardcore Jan-bo.
a coach in the works...
you got it Janet!
a winning shot! yay!
@ SU's Chapel of St. Ignatius
kickin' it with the newest Redhawk! oh yea!
here's to the hefers @ pike place!
hooter's waitress in training? muahahaha
er, carla, and eric!
the gang @ hooters!
coosins! & the bfs...
*loud noises!*
"lemme get in there!" "no me!"
yes let's hear it for the ladies!
SUper Crew!
Crab Pot! YUM!
View from Gas Works Park
The Fremont Troll
My lovelies!
Homeward bound... the roadtrip begins...
my favorite cupcake in the world from cupcake royale - the lavender white.
Golden Gate Bridge in SF
With the Villanuevas :)
Thanks for the good times... 'til next time!
take it back to 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006...
honestly, 2003 wasn't too long ago, but it seems like an eternity as i open boxes of crap and treasures imported from WA. in our roadtrip back to cali, derrick and i (with the help of my tito, cousins, and niece :) smushed three shurgard storage boxes, six plastic bins of assorted sizes, duffle bags and messenger bags of sorts, a foldable donut chair, various decorative butterflies, stuffed animals, albums upon albums and our suitcases into the back of a chevrolet trailblazer. surprisingly that was most of the stuff i had left at my aunt's house. with only three boxes of books and notes left at my tita and tito's house, i think we did a pretty damn good job packing up that car. and kuddos to der for driving the WHOLE way. wow.
it's one of the hardest things for me to let go of things, and going through these boxes hasn't been easy. yes i do need that Candyland game and the dancing Easter-Bunny Snoopy. i need the folders of retreat information and OA/RA stuff. i mos def won't get rid of my palanca. how can i toss a note from paul that reads, "sorry i missed pilates. dagnee says hi." or ashley's depiction of viet's kuuurraaazzzhhhyy stick-figure legs? honestly, these are memories to be preserved. how? you ask. i dunno. i'll just throw it all into a box and tuck in under my bed for safe-keeping. like joe said, some of those things might be worth millions one day, like his campaign button from ASSU elections. i wonder where i'm gonna stuff all this crap, but i can't bear to get rid of it cuz it'll be like saying goodbye to my memories... then again, maybe i hoard them too much. hold on too tightly. but i can't say goodbye to old journals that hold my prayers, my hopes, my happiness, my heartaches or the notes i took in english class (hey, it's worth creating a professional portfolio!).
maybe one day, i'll create simple memory books filled with all those letters and notes... it won't make sense to anyone but me. but it'll be something that'll take me back to some of the best years of my life. the irreplaceable, best years of my life that i so dearly love.
*******
as for updates:
the trip back to Seattle was great - Derrick and i got to spend quality time with family and friends, see new places and old places, go shopping, eat tons, laugh, and travel - a lot.
thursday: we spent sleeping in since we had delayed flights coming in on wednesday night. bonded with the cousin and then hit up the outlets. i love coach outlets cuz you can buy clutches for $20! :D yes, purses are my weakness. derrick's nikes are my purses. also had a DELICIOUS steak and bratwurst din-din at the tita's. YUM.
friday: was a day o' fun with the cooosin. it was also my off day (i forgot my camera at home! airhead!) and dropped my phone at the chapel in SU (airhead move #2). it was probably one of our more tiring days too cuz we walked all over seattle from the top of capitol hill all the way down to pike place market. we ate dick's, explored shoe stores, played the spit-the-pit-into-the-garbage-at-pike-place (yeeesss rainier cherries!) and walked back up to the top of the hill. friday was also chill day with the friends. thanks for comin' out everyone! kicked at hooters, where i was asked to perform on top of the stools, afterwhich a hooters waitress told me, "hey that was good! you should work here!) (uhhhh, thanks but i'd need a boob job hahah). following the bomb-chicken wings from hooters, we headed to magic lanes in white center to bowl it up. good times there :)
saturday: ate @ crab pot with boo&bubs then explored gas works park and bought cupcakes from cupcake royale! yum! my fave! mass and dinner with the fam. then it was time to pile all that crap into the car. we were wiped out by the end of it.
sunday-monday: we spent roadtripping down back to cali, with a stop-over in SF to visit dee&dave and the golden gate bridge. yummy sushi @ sushi house and yummy burger in sausalito. food is wonderful. after 24 hours of being out and about on the road, we made it back to p-dale @ 12:30 a.m. and der still went to work the next day. INSANE!
good way to spend my vacay... hoping to see the friends and fam again soon :) back to the cleaning and planning for school year 2008-2009. woot-woot.
picture highlights to follow...
it's one of the hardest things for me to let go of things, and going through these boxes hasn't been easy. yes i do need that Candyland game and the dancing Easter-Bunny Snoopy. i need the folders of retreat information and OA/RA stuff. i mos def won't get rid of my palanca. how can i toss a note from paul that reads, "sorry i missed pilates. dagnee says hi." or ashley's depiction of viet's kuuurraaazzzhhhyy stick-figure legs? honestly, these are memories to be preserved. how? you ask. i dunno. i'll just throw it all into a box and tuck in under my bed for safe-keeping. like joe said, some of those things might be worth millions one day, like his campaign button from ASSU elections. i wonder where i'm gonna stuff all this crap, but i can't bear to get rid of it cuz it'll be like saying goodbye to my memories... then again, maybe i hoard them too much. hold on too tightly. but i can't say goodbye to old journals that hold my prayers, my hopes, my happiness, my heartaches or the notes i took in english class (hey, it's worth creating a professional portfolio!).
maybe one day, i'll create simple memory books filled with all those letters and notes... it won't make sense to anyone but me. but it'll be something that'll take me back to some of the best years of my life. the irreplaceable, best years of my life that i so dearly love.
*******
as for updates:
the trip back to Seattle was great - Derrick and i got to spend quality time with family and friends, see new places and old places, go shopping, eat tons, laugh, and travel - a lot.
thursday: we spent sleeping in since we had delayed flights coming in on wednesday night. bonded with the cousin and then hit up the outlets. i love coach outlets cuz you can buy clutches for $20! :D yes, purses are my weakness. derrick's nikes are my purses. also had a DELICIOUS steak and bratwurst din-din at the tita's. YUM.
friday: was a day o' fun with the cooosin. it was also my off day (i forgot my camera at home! airhead!) and dropped my phone at the chapel in SU (airhead move #2). it was probably one of our more tiring days too cuz we walked all over seattle from the top of capitol hill all the way down to pike place market. we ate dick's, explored shoe stores, played the spit-the-pit-into-the-garbage-at-pike-place (yeeesss rainier cherries!) and walked back up to the top of the hill. friday was also chill day with the friends. thanks for comin' out everyone! kicked at hooters, where i was asked to perform on top of the stools, afterwhich a hooters waitress told me, "hey that was good! you should work here!) (uhhhh, thanks but i'd need a boob job hahah). following the bomb-chicken wings from hooters, we headed to magic lanes in white center to bowl it up. good times there :)
saturday: ate @ crab pot with boo&bubs then explored gas works park and bought cupcakes from cupcake royale! yum! my fave! mass and dinner with the fam. then it was time to pile all that crap into the car. we were wiped out by the end of it.
sunday-monday: we spent roadtripping down back to cali, with a stop-over in SF to visit dee&dave and the golden gate bridge. yummy sushi @ sushi house and yummy burger in sausalito. food is wonderful. after 24 hours of being out and about on the road, we made it back to p-dale @ 12:30 a.m. and der still went to work the next day. INSANE!
good way to spend my vacay... hoping to see the friends and fam again soon :) back to the cleaning and planning for school year 2008-2009. woot-woot.
picture highlights to follow...
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
my laptop had a relapse and allowed me to go online at home.
i can only blog when my internet at home works (since i'm denied access at school) so i'm gonna try and take advantage of this time i have.
updates, updates... after much prayer and discernment and tears, i've decided to return to SMS despite the trauma of this year. i didn't let my pesky 7th graders get the best of me :) but i told my principal straight up that i didn't want to return as the PE/Math/Science position that i was in. she graciously offered me a contract to co-teach 3rd Grade with my mentor teacher and teach a JR. High class and I graciously accepted the offer :) so as of August 18th, i will begin at SMS as the 3rd grade homeroom teacher & 7th Gr. English instructor. hurrah!
the last day of school was yesterday so we've been busy cleaning , totaling grades, returning papers, and tossing papers. i had a somewhat horrific final day of teaching science when i had to educate the class on the REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEMS & PREGNANCY. *blush i had my fair share of giggling boys as i pronounced the words "sperm," "scrotum," "semen," "vagina..." good grief - 7th graders can be harsh. haha but overall, it wasn't so bad. i had an occasional student who said, "c'mon guys, be mature." and listened to the presentation. some asked really good questions, "can you have two STD's at the same time?" "how do miscarriages happen?" "how does the egg separate to form twins?" so those where the more fulfilling moments of teaching this lesson.
as painful as they were, i can honestly say, i'll miss my 7th graders. wow, who woulda thought?
other updates include: more planning with my co-teacher, Ms. Rios... taking Sports inventory with Nora as my final task as PE teacher (oh i'll miss exercising with my students!)... Mom's turning 6-0! on June 20th so we're having a shindig for her... preparations for Ate's big GRADUATION!!! counting it down, sister-friend... flying back home to my beloved Seattle with 3D and roadtriping home with my cargo... making bridal shower invites for Boo's wedding :) ... getting some good r&r and spending more quality time with the 'rents since i've always been swamped with grading...
if you have any other exciting things for me to partake in this summer, send it my way :)
looking forward to seeing the friends!!! :D and getting my laptop fixed by Jo. hopefully, it's repairable...
until next time, keep the sunblock on and happy summer!
updates, updates... after much prayer and discernment and tears, i've decided to return to SMS despite the trauma of this year. i didn't let my pesky 7th graders get the best of me :) but i told my principal straight up that i didn't want to return as the PE/Math/Science position that i was in. she graciously offered me a contract to co-teach 3rd Grade with my mentor teacher and teach a JR. High class and I graciously accepted the offer :) so as of August 18th, i will begin at SMS as the 3rd grade homeroom teacher & 7th Gr. English instructor. hurrah!
the last day of school was yesterday so we've been busy cleaning , totaling grades, returning papers, and tossing papers. i had a somewhat horrific final day of teaching science when i had to educate the class on the REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEMS & PREGNANCY. *blush i had my fair share of giggling boys as i pronounced the words "sperm," "scrotum," "semen," "vagina..." good grief - 7th graders can be harsh. haha but overall, it wasn't so bad. i had an occasional student who said, "c'mon guys, be mature." and listened to the presentation. some asked really good questions, "can you have two STD's at the same time?" "how do miscarriages happen?" "how does the egg separate to form twins?" so those where the more fulfilling moments of teaching this lesson.
as painful as they were, i can honestly say, i'll miss my 7th graders. wow, who woulda thought?
other updates include: more planning with my co-teacher, Ms. Rios... taking Sports inventory with Nora as my final task as PE teacher (oh i'll miss exercising with my students!)... Mom's turning 6-0! on June 20th so we're having a shindig for her... preparations for Ate's big GRADUATION!!! counting it down, sister-friend... flying back home to my beloved Seattle with 3D and roadtriping home with my cargo... making bridal shower invites for Boo's wedding :) ... getting some good r&r and spending more quality time with the 'rents since i've always been swamped with grading...
if you have any other exciting things for me to partake in this summer, send it my way :)
looking forward to seeing the friends!!! :D and getting my laptop fixed by Jo. hopefully, it's repairable...
until next time, keep the sunblock on and happy summer!
Monday, May 12, 2008
may eleventh
If I have all faith so as to move mountains
but do not have love, I am nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It is not jealous, love is not pompous.
It is not inflated, it is not rude.
It does not seek its own interests.
It is not quick-tempered,
it does not brood over injury.
It does not rejoice over wrongdoing
but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
So Faith, Hope, Love remain these three...
But the greatest of these is Love.
1 Corinthians 13
but do not have love, I am nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It is not jealous, love is not pompous.
It is not inflated, it is not rude.
It does not seek its own interests.
It is not quick-tempered,
it does not brood over injury.
It does not rejoice over wrongdoing
but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
So Faith, Hope, Love remain these three...
But the greatest of these is Love.
1 Corinthians 13
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Happy Buuuuurfffffdaaaaaaaay!
beloved tax babies, today is your day!
here's to 27 years, ate!
here's to 27 years, ate!
and happy silver bday to you, my derrick!
I LOVE YOU BOTH!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
waiting for my fingernails to dry...
yesterday was career day at school. the students and staff were encouraged to wear an outfit of who they wanted to be. i decided to rock the SMS polo and be who i am - a titser! so two stories from yesterday that show the clear distinction in the teaching world.
1.) during my 7th grade science class, i confiscated a note that two students were passing between each other. it read:
i did nothing
yeah she just wants to make you mad and get you in troubles you no teachers
i [dispi] hate her
WACK! well, that's a slap in the face. a month and a half ago, i probably would have cried. "a student hates me? i don't want to be the hated, mean teacher." well, that thought is out the window. obviously, i don't want someone to hate me, but i'd rather teach than be stepped all over and not respected. i think i'd rather gain respect as a mean disciplinarian (even if that makes them hate me) than be an unrespectable teacher that allows her class to control her. humbling. very humbling.
2.) rewind back to 7:45 a.m. of career day. i'm standing outside for morning duty and a first-grader comes up to me in her PE uniform. she says,
"ms. catalla! i'm a PE teacher today!"
*TEAR "really? that's good! what games are you gonna teach your class?"
"the games you teach us."
"which one is your favorite?"
"octopus."
"awww i like that one..."
about 1/2 hour later, i visit the 3rd grade classroom and the homeroom teacher says,
"guess who angela is."
"who?"
angela responds, "i'm YOU today! i'm ms. catalla!"
she becomes mini-ms. catalla and proceeds to call me "mommy" the rest of the day.
you win some and you lose some, right? and it's those ones you can somehow reach, even if for a little bit, that make this profession all the more worthwhile. i say this not because i am a teacher, but because of my teachers, those in my family, and my co-workers - they are noble people for doing what they do and putting up with what they have to. teachers have the job of believing in someone. sounds simple, but it's more complicated than it seems. that's a pretty damn important job.
am i meant to believe in someone as my professional career? is this where You want me to be?
1.) during my 7th grade science class, i confiscated a note that two students were passing between each other. it read:
i did nothing
yeah she just wants to make you mad and get you in troubles you no teachers
i [dispi] hate her
WACK! well, that's a slap in the face. a month and a half ago, i probably would have cried. "a student hates me? i don't want to be the hated, mean teacher." well, that thought is out the window. obviously, i don't want someone to hate me, but i'd rather teach than be stepped all over and not respected. i think i'd rather gain respect as a mean disciplinarian (even if that makes them hate me) than be an unrespectable teacher that allows her class to control her. humbling. very humbling.
2.) rewind back to 7:45 a.m. of career day. i'm standing outside for morning duty and a first-grader comes up to me in her PE uniform. she says,
"ms. catalla! i'm a PE teacher today!"
*TEAR "really? that's good! what games are you gonna teach your class?"
"the games you teach us."
"which one is your favorite?"
"octopus."
"awww i like that one..."
about 1/2 hour later, i visit the 3rd grade classroom and the homeroom teacher says,
"guess who angela is."
"who?"
angela responds, "i'm YOU today! i'm ms. catalla!"
she becomes mini-ms. catalla and proceeds to call me "mommy" the rest of the day.
you win some and you lose some, right? and it's those ones you can somehow reach, even if for a little bit, that make this profession all the more worthwhile. i say this not because i am a teacher, but because of my teachers, those in my family, and my co-workers - they are noble people for doing what they do and putting up with what they have to. teachers have the job of believing in someone. sounds simple, but it's more complicated than it seems. that's a pretty damn important job.
am i meant to believe in someone as my professional career? is this where You want me to be?
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Music is great.
Sister-Friend introduced me to this awesome acapella group "Straight No Chaser." If I had a youtube account, I coulda posted it up but just follow the link and it'll take you to this awesome video!
* I think Derrick's Mom & Anna would appreciate this :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkerzEpY-PM
Happy Easter everyone! Alleluia! Alleluia! Jesus is Risen!
* I think Derrick's Mom & Anna would appreciate this :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkerzEpY-PM
Happy Easter everyone! Alleluia! Alleluia! Jesus is Risen!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Sunday, March 09, 2008
alas...
unfortunately, my toshiba is NOT back. it was a temporary relapse. maybe in another two months it'll work again.
anyone know how to fix computers? :) i need help!
back to sporadic blogging.
anyone know how to fix computers? :) i need help!
back to sporadic blogging.
and we're back!
so my internet on good ol' Toshiba is working! yes! for today at least... we'll see if i'm lucky and it lasts. i sure hope so cuz having internet at home is quite convenient, but also quite distracting - like right now!
can i have a legitimate update now? if i'm so inspired...
it's been 10 weeks since i started teaching and it continues to be a journey of discernment. ah teaching. now that my childhood dream is a reality, i've truly realized the phrase that life is continual process of growing and learning. it doesn't end after you graduate. it's a different kind of educational process but you continue to learn and learn each and every day. i'm learning that teaching - despite its ideal schedule, doesn't end at 3:00 p.m. you take work home in the evenings and on the weekends. you do work to become a better teacher - attend workshops, learn more about the profession, go to conferences, have in-services. i think i was so used to jumping into things and learning how to do them so quickly that i expected that to happen when i started. i mean, i knew it was going to be hard, but i thought i'd catch on pretty quickly. in some areas i have caught on, but in others, it's a daily struggle. so this period of my life continues to be one of questioning, one of uncertainty. that gives me anxiety and i have to remember to trust trust trust. and have patience, patience, patience.
i haven't been able to nail down a solid relationship with my students - i haven't been patient enough or consistent enough. i think i'm too busy trying to learn how to teach that i haven't put enough into being a "relational teacher." maybe that's why i'm falling short in terms of connecting with them. last year, i got that opportunity.
i'm also noticing a pattern that i made my students upset last year and i'm doing yet the same thing this year. in some ways, i can be pretty harsh and hard on them and maybe i'm not always conveying that to them in the most positive of ways. i don't think i'm saying that thought clearly... growing up, i had teachers that were hard on me - who had high expectations, and they made that clear. but i think they did it in a way that didn't belittle me or upset me. i think - because out of my frustrations - i have been upsetting some of my students and not so clear with my expectations. it's something i need to work on.
what else? i think i'd prefer to move down and teach in the primary grades. God bless those middle school teachers because i definitely could not do it. they can be such little punks! ms. rios encouraged me to pray for them individually - i think i really have to do that and be intentional about praying for their needs in order for me to have more patience with them, more understanding.
i think i'm kinda at my wits end because last year, i put myself in survival mode because i was so homesick. and now, even though i'm back home, i'm still in survival mode because i don't know what the hell i'm doing with my job and if it's where i wanna be.
to top it off, being in such a rough transition right now, it makes me miss my friends - wherever they are now - seattle, texas, norCal. plus not living close to two of my closest loved ones (ate and derrick) tends to take a toll on my weeks too. on the other hand, i get the comfort of my mom and dad and i am so grateful for that.
PATIENCE. TRUST. PRAY. i have to keep reminding myself of that.
i still wonder if i'm called to do work with campus ministry and take classes in psychology or spiritual counseling so i can be a retreat minister or youth minister. it didn't seem right when i applied in december. but now, being a teacher does and doesn't seem to fit either.
what do you want me to do Lord? how do you want me to serve you?
when i talked to ms. rios about my struggles, she had a good metaphor. she compared seattle to my Mount Tabor, the mountain where Jesus was transfigured.
Matthew 17: The Transfiguration
1 After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. 2 There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. 3 Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus. 4 Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah." 5 While he was still speaking, a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!" 6 When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified. 7 But Jesus came and touched them. "Get up," he said. "Don't be afraid." 8 When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus. 9 As they were coming down the mountain, Jesus instructed them, "Don't tell anyone what you have seen, until the Son of Man has been raised from the dead."
i always say my best self - the place where i liked myself the most - was when i was in seattle. i felt spiritually grounded, i loved what i was doing, i felt empowered, i was surrounded by amazing individuals and loyal friendships, i was actually confident, i wanted to go out and change the world. but i had to leave that beautiful, sacred place. i was called to share those gifts i developed there elsewhere, but i'm struggling with how to do that. in a way, i was transformed in seattle. and in the Gospel reading, peter and the other two disciples who went with Jesus said they would build a tent for Jesus, Elijah, and Moses so they could stay on top of that mountain. but they couldn't stay. they had to come down from that mountain.
in the same way, i had to come down from that beautiful mountain and take what i have learned with me. i wanna go back - i wanna think it'll be the same if i were to move back to seattle, but i know it won't be and i have to continue growing and learning with the changes around me.
wow, that's an eye-ful to read. i think i've procrastinated enough from lesson planning and studying. let's cross our fingers and hope my internet doesn't die so i can have more updates and so i can keep up with the lives of my friends...
have a peaceful week filled with love.
oh and to end this more pensive blog, here is something more light-hearted and humorous to fill your souls:
These little piggies went "wee-wee-wee" all the way home!
wow. how we entertain ourselves...
can i have a legitimate update now? if i'm so inspired...
it's been 10 weeks since i started teaching and it continues to be a journey of discernment. ah teaching. now that my childhood dream is a reality, i've truly realized the phrase that life is continual process of growing and learning. it doesn't end after you graduate. it's a different kind of educational process but you continue to learn and learn each and every day. i'm learning that teaching - despite its ideal schedule, doesn't end at 3:00 p.m. you take work home in the evenings and on the weekends. you do work to become a better teacher - attend workshops, learn more about the profession, go to conferences, have in-services. i think i was so used to jumping into things and learning how to do them so quickly that i expected that to happen when i started. i mean, i knew it was going to be hard, but i thought i'd catch on pretty quickly. in some areas i have caught on, but in others, it's a daily struggle. so this period of my life continues to be one of questioning, one of uncertainty. that gives me anxiety and i have to remember to trust trust trust. and have patience, patience, patience.
i haven't been able to nail down a solid relationship with my students - i haven't been patient enough or consistent enough. i think i'm too busy trying to learn how to teach that i haven't put enough into being a "relational teacher." maybe that's why i'm falling short in terms of connecting with them. last year, i got that opportunity.
i'm also noticing a pattern that i made my students upset last year and i'm doing yet the same thing this year. in some ways, i can be pretty harsh and hard on them and maybe i'm not always conveying that to them in the most positive of ways. i don't think i'm saying that thought clearly... growing up, i had teachers that were hard on me - who had high expectations, and they made that clear. but i think they did it in a way that didn't belittle me or upset me. i think - because out of my frustrations - i have been upsetting some of my students and not so clear with my expectations. it's something i need to work on.
what else? i think i'd prefer to move down and teach in the primary grades. God bless those middle school teachers because i definitely could not do it. they can be such little punks! ms. rios encouraged me to pray for them individually - i think i really have to do that and be intentional about praying for their needs in order for me to have more patience with them, more understanding.
i think i'm kinda at my wits end because last year, i put myself in survival mode because i was so homesick. and now, even though i'm back home, i'm still in survival mode because i don't know what the hell i'm doing with my job and if it's where i wanna be.
to top it off, being in such a rough transition right now, it makes me miss my friends - wherever they are now - seattle, texas, norCal. plus not living close to two of my closest loved ones (ate and derrick) tends to take a toll on my weeks too. on the other hand, i get the comfort of my mom and dad and i am so grateful for that.
PATIENCE. TRUST. PRAY. i have to keep reminding myself of that.
i still wonder if i'm called to do work with campus ministry and take classes in psychology or spiritual counseling so i can be a retreat minister or youth minister. it didn't seem right when i applied in december. but now, being a teacher does and doesn't seem to fit either.
what do you want me to do Lord? how do you want me to serve you?
when i talked to ms. rios about my struggles, she had a good metaphor. she compared seattle to my Mount Tabor, the mountain where Jesus was transfigured.
Matthew 17: The Transfiguration
1 After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. 2 There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. 3 Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus. 4 Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah." 5 While he was still speaking, a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!" 6 When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified. 7 But Jesus came and touched them. "Get up," he said. "Don't be afraid." 8 When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus. 9 As they were coming down the mountain, Jesus instructed them, "Don't tell anyone what you have seen, until the Son of Man has been raised from the dead."
i always say my best self - the place where i liked myself the most - was when i was in seattle. i felt spiritually grounded, i loved what i was doing, i felt empowered, i was surrounded by amazing individuals and loyal friendships, i was actually confident, i wanted to go out and change the world. but i had to leave that beautiful, sacred place. i was called to share those gifts i developed there elsewhere, but i'm struggling with how to do that. in a way, i was transformed in seattle. and in the Gospel reading, peter and the other two disciples who went with Jesus said they would build a tent for Jesus, Elijah, and Moses so they could stay on top of that mountain. but they couldn't stay. they had to come down from that mountain.
in the same way, i had to come down from that beautiful mountain and take what i have learned with me. i wanna go back - i wanna think it'll be the same if i were to move back to seattle, but i know it won't be and i have to continue growing and learning with the changes around me.
wow, that's an eye-ful to read. i think i've procrastinated enough from lesson planning and studying. let's cross our fingers and hope my internet doesn't die so i can have more updates and so i can keep up with the lives of my friends...
have a peaceful week filled with love.
oh and to end this more pensive blog, here is something more light-hearted and humorous to fill your souls:
This little piggy went to the market...
This little piggy went home...
These little piggies went "wee-wee-wee" all the way home!
wow. how we entertain ourselves...
Sunday, March 02, 2008
wicked good weekend.
WICKED was amazing!!! back from it this evening and i was just in awe of the entire performance. the sister and i already wanna go back and watch it again! we laughed, we cried - it's all i hoped it to be and more! what a great way to spend time with my family and my derrick! :)
i also went to the LA religious ed congress which was a good, spiritual experience. very enlightening. and hoping to get back on my path to a deepened spiritual life. get back to mount tabor and live it out in the day to day...
for now, zZzZzZz
i also went to the LA religious ed congress which was a good, spiritual experience. very enlightening. and hoping to get back on my path to a deepened spiritual life. get back to mount tabor and live it out in the day to day...
for now, zZzZzZz
Sunday, February 10, 2008
you thought he loved his jordans & air force ones...
as many of you know, our beloved dante derrick david is a fan of nike shoes. a "shoehead" if you will. let's just say, he's betrayed his cherished nikes. he's ditched them for these:
as you can see, he's ditched his sexy air force ones for some CROCS. and if i were to quote mr. david himself, "these are really comfortable. they'd be good for walking around..."
mog. he's succumbed.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
quick update for the inquiring minds...
by my sister's request, i am updating my blog - since i'm taking advantage of her internet while i can.
what can i say? the first month of 2008 has flown by so quickly! but i'm not gonna lie, it's been a rough month! as previous entries can attest to, my job has been a struggle. it has been since day one and i continue to find strength and encouragement in my co-workers, my family, my boyfriend, my friends, my Jesus. thank you thank you thank you to you lovely people in my life to be present in my journey.
i unfortunately don't have much more else to talk about than work... i need to figure out a disciple and reward system for my 7th graders and way to empower my classes in math, science, and P.E. ... and still figuring out if this is my ministry and where i'm supposed to serve God.
"Open my eyes, my ears, my heart... Help me to see Your face, hear your voice, love like You."
i've been so scared. so anxious. and i know i need to release those things to God. to take care of those things and not to worry about them. let go. let God.
but there have been things that have kept me going:
venting to mom&dad.
talking about the three things i'm grateful for with ate.
praying every night with derrick.
shooting emails between back and forth with the OG homies.
chatting it up with boo (phone or gmail, whateves!).
eating. a lot.
being able to treat out my family & derrick out (finally!) - it's a nice feeling.
i can't believe it's february and we're about to head into the season of Lent. time for renewal and growth. which means one last time to indulge - MARDI GRAS! i hope i have more prayerful moments... continuing to grow in faith and love...
what can i say? the first month of 2008 has flown by so quickly! but i'm not gonna lie, it's been a rough month! as previous entries can attest to, my job has been a struggle. it has been since day one and i continue to find strength and encouragement in my co-workers, my family, my boyfriend, my friends, my Jesus. thank you thank you thank you to you lovely people in my life to be present in my journey.
i unfortunately don't have much more else to talk about than work... i need to figure out a disciple and reward system for my 7th graders and way to empower my classes in math, science, and P.E. ... and still figuring out if this is my ministry and where i'm supposed to serve God.
"Open my eyes, my ears, my heart... Help me to see Your face, hear your voice, love like You."
i've been so scared. so anxious. and i know i need to release those things to God. to take care of those things and not to worry about them. let go. let God.
but there have been things that have kept me going:
venting to mom&dad.
talking about the three things i'm grateful for with ate.
praying every night with derrick.
shooting emails between back and forth with the OG homies.
chatting it up with boo (phone or gmail, whateves!).
eating. a lot.
being able to treat out my family & derrick out (finally!) - it's a nice feeling.
i can't believe it's february and we're about to head into the season of Lent. time for renewal and growth. which means one last time to indulge - MARDI GRAS! i hope i have more prayerful moments... continuing to grow in faith and love...
Sunday, January 20, 2008
it's been real.
Sister goes back to school... no more daily companion... sighi'll miss you sister. Godspeed!
there's nothing like a good cry.
"The phrase 'I've been there' is in the chorus of Christ's theme song.
To the Lonely, Jesus whispers, 'I've been there.'
To the Discouraged, Christ nods his head and sighs, 'I've been there.'"
He's been there. And thank God someone understands...
It's been a tumultuous two weeks of work-work-work. For those of you that didn't read Ate's public service announcement, as of January 7th, 2008, I became a bonafide teacher @ St. Mary School as a Math, Life Science, and P.E. teacher. Hurrah! ehhh...
In the past ten days, I have cried 6-7 times. It's scary when you realize that what you've always dreamed about turns out to be something completely different. I always thought I was meant to be a teacher - to have a higher purpose - to help and motivate students to reach their dreams. Ultimately, that's what a teacher does - helps a child realize what his/her dream is, accompanying them, setting the basic foundation of what's to be explored in life. I always admired my teachers and loved to write on the chalk board or read from the huge teacher's manual (complete with spiral binding). But as each year of life has gone on, I've realized that it's more than holding chalk or carrying a big textbook. It's a huge responsibility. You have the ability and the power to touch someone's life. You can empower or discourage a child with just one word, one glance. What a blessing to do that - to call that your profession.
I think I still want to do that. But this has been the hardest two weeks of my life. All I know is my work. I've been immersed in my work - and not in this healthy way. I'm trying to catch up and learn things and look like I have my shit together. But I don't. And I know I'm still learning, it's only been two weeks, but I want to be the best I can be for those kiddos.
In due time...
Teaching middle school can be a bitch. gaaaah. But that's a population that really needs a strong support system. I'm starting to trail off and I'm not quite sure where I'm getting at....
All in all, it's been rough, I can add details later for interested, inquiring minds to know, and I just need to pray.
I've forgotten how to pray. And I cry because of that too.
I haven't had You along for the journey. I'm sorry.
Help me remember, Lord. You've been there...
To the Lonely, Jesus whispers, 'I've been there.'
To the Discouraged, Christ nods his head and sighs, 'I've been there.'"
He's been there. And thank God someone understands...
It's been a tumultuous two weeks of work-work-work. For those of you that didn't read Ate's public service announcement, as of January 7th, 2008, I became a bonafide teacher @ St. Mary School as a Math, Life Science, and P.E. teacher. Hurrah! ehhh...
In the past ten days, I have cried 6-7 times. It's scary when you realize that what you've always dreamed about turns out to be something completely different. I always thought I was meant to be a teacher - to have a higher purpose - to help and motivate students to reach their dreams. Ultimately, that's what a teacher does - helps a child realize what his/her dream is, accompanying them, setting the basic foundation of what's to be explored in life. I always admired my teachers and loved to write on the chalk board or read from the huge teacher's manual (complete with spiral binding). But as each year of life has gone on, I've realized that it's more than holding chalk or carrying a big textbook. It's a huge responsibility. You have the ability and the power to touch someone's life. You can empower or discourage a child with just one word, one glance. What a blessing to do that - to call that your profession.
I think I still want to do that. But this has been the hardest two weeks of my life. All I know is my work. I've been immersed in my work - and not in this healthy way. I'm trying to catch up and learn things and look like I have my shit together. But I don't. And I know I'm still learning, it's only been two weeks, but I want to be the best I can be for those kiddos.
In due time...
Teaching middle school can be a bitch. gaaaah. But that's a population that really needs a strong support system. I'm starting to trail off and I'm not quite sure where I'm getting at....
All in all, it's been rough, I can add details later for interested, inquiring minds to know, and I just need to pray.
I've forgotten how to pray. And I cry because of that too.
I haven't had You along for the journey. I'm sorry.
Help me remember, Lord. You've been there...
Monday, January 14, 2008
continuation of i...
am delirious now.
am dumbfounded by grading while simultaneously amazed that computers can do it all for you.
am amused by her lovers :) hot-damn, i'm lucky!
just corrected approximately 200 Science pages of key terms, outlines, workbooks, and section reviews.
scheduled a chapter 16 test science test for wednesday. yikes! first test as a bonafide teacher!
assigned "kickball" for my 3-8th graders' p.e. classes. oh yeaaa kickball!
...and therefore almost got hit in the face when the kiddos fouled their kicks.
need to figure out a more effective planning system.
just made a new friend named INDIGO!!! :D
am in dire need of some rest and relaxation. but that won't happen til this weekend... or spring break.
would like to go home to Seattle and eat some cupcakes from Cupcake Royale, get crumpets at Queen Mary, walk through Pike Place, grab a burger from Dick's, have hot apple cider with real whipped cream from B&O, play with my babies, consume a heff or two & midori sours, have face-time with Bella, get cheap fried rice and honey walnut prawns with the gang in I-District, have a date @ Tamarind Tree, and grub on some hot wings from hooters.
wow, so really what i want is to go back to Seattle to eat? yuuuuum. :D
.....need to sleep.
am dumbfounded by grading while simultaneously amazed that computers can do it all for you.
am amused by her lovers :) hot-damn, i'm lucky!
just corrected approximately 200 Science pages of key terms, outlines, workbooks, and section reviews.
scheduled a chapter 16 test science test for wednesday. yikes! first test as a bonafide teacher!
assigned "kickball" for my 3-8th graders' p.e. classes. oh yeaaa kickball!
...and therefore almost got hit in the face when the kiddos fouled their kicks.
need to figure out a more effective planning system.
just made a new friend named INDIGO!!! :D
am in dire need of some rest and relaxation. but that won't happen til this weekend... or spring break.
would like to go home to Seattle and eat some cupcakes from Cupcake Royale, get crumpets at Queen Mary, walk through Pike Place, grab a burger from Dick's, have hot apple cider with real whipped cream from B&O, play with my babies, consume a heff or two & midori sours, have face-time with Bella, get cheap fried rice and honey walnut prawns with the gang in I-District, have a date @ Tamarind Tree, and grub on some hot wings from hooters.
wow, so really what i want is to go back to Seattle to eat? yuuuuum. :D
.....need to sleep.
Friday, January 11, 2008
i...
have wanted to blog but haven't been able to because my internet is down on my toshiba. :( now i'm on ate's...
am officially employed!!!!! :D
and am therefore officially tired...
am a bridesmaid for CARLA LOUISE! oh haey Boo!
have no idea what I'm doing at work, but figuring it out. day by day...
am in love. ;)
am obsessed with WICKED!
must buy tickets...
am listening to ingrid michaelson's "girl and boys." (thanks kirs!)
will be car-shopping! hurrah!
want to get a Seattle U license plate holder. Go Redhawks!
should call my friends more. i miss you guys.
need to write a better blog.
am too tired...
am gonna go read "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West."
woot.
am officially employed!!!!! :D
and am therefore officially tired...
am a bridesmaid for CARLA LOUISE! oh haey Boo!
have no idea what I'm doing at work, but figuring it out. day by day...
am in love. ;)
am obsessed with WICKED!
must buy tickets...
am listening to ingrid michaelson's "girl and boys." (thanks kirs!)
will be car-shopping! hurrah!
want to get a Seattle U license plate holder. Go Redhawks!
should call my friends more. i miss you guys.
need to write a better blog.
am too tired...
am gonna go read "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West."
woot.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
To my BOO and her BUBS
Sending my heart-felt CONGRATULATIONS
to the newly engaged
CARLA FRANCO & ERIC VANDER POL!
Carla, you'll always be my Boo! and BFF too!
Eric, you're an incredibly lucky guy.
May God bless you both as you embark
on this new journey in your relationship.
I love you with all my heart!
A kind mouth multiplies friends, and gracious lips prompt friendly greetings.
Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidante.
A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.
A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance her worth.
A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds;
For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself.
Sirach 6: 5-6, 14-17
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)