The way I see it...

To pray well I must first find out where I am.
Self-knowledge is never procured cheaply.

To pray well I need to face up to realities about myself that I would prefer to ignore: my anxieties, fears, private griefs, failures, lovelessness, my utter lack of resources.

To accept the truth about what I am, and also the truth about other human beings, demands courage.
If I do not pray well, it is usually because I lack that kind of courage.

Once I have confronted and accepted - as far as possible - that I am a needy person, the act of turning toward God is relatively easy. It is not faith in God that is hard, but the renunciation of illusory faith in myself. To turn toward God means, first, turning away from what is untrue or delusory - no matter how much comfort it brings.

Way to speak the truth, LIVING FAITH. Ate and I had a pretty poignant discussion about my experiences in Montana during one of our long drives. "Honesty hour" as she likes to call them. Somehow, the two of us always come back to the metaphor of a mirror. When the ugliness of reality hits, I always describe it as a mirror shattering into a million pieces; at that point, I am incapable of picking them up and putting them together. Ate reminded me that I need to see my own reflection because what people may see and reflect back to me isn’t necessarily who I am. Four years and six Search Retreats later, I’m still asking myself, “Who am I?” I have no doubt that I’ll be answering that question for the rest of my life.