Runaway Run

In the movie Forest Gump, Forest decided that he felt like running. So he got up, left his home and ran. So did I.

Today, I had this urge to run. To run away from my house. To get away from my roommates. To leave behind the stories of my kiddos in school and youth group. To run away from Billings and the challenge of being here.

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands

Today, I had this urge to run. To run away from the pictures, letters, and emails from home. To temporarily let go of the memories of home – of Seattle, of Cali. To escape the pain of missing family and friends.

And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

So I left. I left my quirky south-side white house with blue trimmings, and I ran. I ran across the wet pavement with melting snow and slush hitting the bottom of my running shoes. I ran with the clothes on my back, holding my house keys and shoving my headphones in my ears. I ran. And I walked. Then I ran some more. And walked again.

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

I ran around our neighborhood to South Park and then I turned around and ran back. I had no destination, no idea of where I was going or what I wanted to do. I just felt like running. And as I ran, a pain started to increase in my chest. So I’d start walking. Then I decided, ”Ok, I’m ready to run.” But that pain would come back. So I ran and walked back and forth, with no destination in mind. And as Anna Nalick began singing “And breathe… just breathe” I thought, no matter how far I try to run or how much I want to escape my reality, my truth, my life, I can’t. Because the reality of whatever pain I am experiencing will follow me wherever I go. It’s a part of me.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Eventually, my run led me to another park and my ultimate destination ended up being the swings. Two swings. I sat down and looked into the sky where the sunset radiated beautiful orange and red tones. And I thought, it’s just me and God. Or at least, it has to be.

“In order for God to increase, we must decrease,” says Fanny my kindergarten teacher.

I started swinging, while my mp3 continued to blare out my favorites, and as Michelle Branch came on, I started singing. At the park. On the swings. By myself. Singing. In the southside of Billings, Montana.

As I was singing and swinging, I looked at the empty swing that sat next to me and I thought, “That one’s for You.”

So I'm a little left of center
I'm a little out of tune
Some say I'm paranormal
So I just bend their spoon
Who wants to be ordinary
In a crazy, mixed-up world
I don't care what they're sayin'
As long as I'm Your girl…

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance
’Cause You get me…

The world seemed to slow down at that moment. I looked up and saw the branches gently blowing with the breeze. I saw the color of the sun diminish and the moon start to appear. The wind got colder and I could feel my lips tingle from the cold air. I was suddenly aware of every sensation and movement around me. So I flew higher and higher on my swing.

Your love is extravagant.
Your friendship, it is intimate.
I feel like moving to the rhythms of your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place.

Your love is extravagant.
Spread wide in the arms of Christ
Is the love that covers sin.
No greater love have I ever known
You considered me a friend.
Capture my heart again.