delirium

"ohana means family. family means no one gets left behind or forgotten."

i've learned over the years that i don't like getting left behind. when i went to preschool, i had rachelle. when i went to st. brendan, i had ate and rachelle. entering high school, there was still ate and rachelle, among other friends...

when i entered college, i left. i didn't feel like i was getting left behind. i was moving forward.

when i graduated from college, i decided to leave seattle and cali. still, i wasn't being left behind. i continued to move forward.

after having two consecutive visitors in the land of montana, i feel the tinge and pain of being left behind. and it's not that ate or judy were leaving me behind. i just feel... lonely.

but what a blessing to have them experience my life here. as i listened to them talk about their experience of no man's land, the real-time boonies, "hicksville," i realized that i can never fully communicate the joys and challenges of being here - of being a JV - of being out in the middle of nowhere with family, friends, loved ones so many many many miles away.

now, ate and judy know. they've seen it firsthand. and it was a new perspective to hear it from them. and it hurts to know that they're gone now... and that i won't be seeing them for awhile. but at the same time, i have good things ahead of me - time to bond with the roommates, more letters to send, more emails to write, more phone calls to make, people miles away that i can continue to connect with, a trip to Seattle...

with every ounce of heartache, i grow stronger. perserverance and faith.