looking through a different lens.

I've been reading this book entitled, The Way of the Warrior - Stories of the Crow People. It was written and edited by people of Crow origin and they do a pretty good job explaining different aspects of the Crow culture. Living in Montana, I heard first-hand accounts and significant aspects of their culture. It was humbling to hear stories from women and men who were raised on the reservation and who have carried on traditions. As I was reading, one part of the Crow values offered a different perspective on relationships.

"A good man was the core, life, and strength of the tribe... Good men did not cherish material things or lasting relationships. As the traditional saying goes, 'Nothing is forever, only the sky and earth are forever. Glory endures.' Hence, good men were not jealous or possessive of wives, family, or earthly things. Men who left wives or 'threw them away' were often performing prestigious acts. They demonstrated how little they cared for temporal attachments. 'Throwing away' a spouse (it could be done by either sex but was more frequent among men) acknowledged that one was so conscious of this principle that he or she would give up everything, even what was most dear. The act also illustrated the generosity of the individual, as he or she would most likely be giving away a prized 'good woman' or 'good man.'"

Crow values are very sacred, values that I admire. But I had trouble understanding this when I first read it. I guess it's because I have a different perspective on relationships. I think this stance offers one that is similar to Buddhist teachings - one that emphasizes the process of letting go of earthly things - including relationships. I've never been good at that.

I couldn't imagine leaving relationships or "throwing away" a person as a means to give something up. In that sense, I could never be a "good woman" in Crow standards. I'm too selfish. I hold on too much to the people I love and cherish. I guess that's always been my blessing and my curse though: I get too attached to people so that when I have to say goodbye or the relationship changes, I freak out. My ultimate weakness... I guess the danger in that is that of jealousy and possessiveness.

But the Crow and Buddhist perspectives are right. Nothing lasts forever. And there's a healthy way of learning to let go. I'm just too stubborn to do so. :) So I'll keep holding on. Hopefully, I won't suffocate my relationships. And the process of loosening my grip will overcome the danger of jealousy and possessiveness.

With that said, I miss you.