upside down

this week has been up up up and down down down down down... i didn't think leaving would have this much of an impact on me, and yet i'm going through all of this.

i'm happy one minute.
i'm sad the next.
then i'm thankful.
most times, i'm frustrated.
i get easily irritated.
i have no patience.

but underneath all that irritation and frustration - anger - whatever you wanna call it, i think is fear.

fear of leaving.
fear of going home.
fear of going back to a place that hasn't really been my home in five years.
fear of knowing i won't be going back to seattle.
fear of changing relationships.
fear of even losing relationships.
fear of becoming someone i don't wanna become.
fear of the unknown.
fear of grad school and my future career.
fear of popping my protective bubble... and jumping into another one.
fear of growing up.
fear of losing my spiritual life.
fear of love.
fear of losing passion for life.
fear of failing.
fear of hurting people i love.
fear of not taking chances.
fear of forgetting any knowledge i've gained.
fear of change.
fear of losing myself.

trust.faith.hope.love.

Godspeed.